Tomorrow marks the beginning of a journey towards Colorado from Germany. Because the German and I are headed to the same location but with different itineraries, we will play a game. Scoring is as follows:
• Travel Time, beginning the moment you close the door of the apartment: T will get this one hands down because he’s leaving the apartment at 2 am to drive to Frankfurt. Points double after 24 hours; he’s on the books for 26 hours already.
• Number of Stops: So far, Tobias has one up on me with a HAM-FRA-YZZ-DEN-MTJ-LOL-WTF, vs. my HAM-EWR-DEN-MTJ.
• Bonus Points for Airport Codes I Had to Look Up – Tobias wins with YZZ. (It’s Toronto. Can’t you just see the Canadians saying, ‘Oh, no, go right ahead, you look like you’re in a rush,’ while Atlanta jostles ahead of them in the Airport Code Line to get ATL? And as the crush dies down Canada turns to Mrs. Canada and says, ‘You were right to bring your knitting. This took longer than I thought. Well, nothing wrong with a nice double zed. I wonder if New Zealand got on all right?’) p.s. Queensland is ZQN. Harden the fuck up, New Zealand.
• Travelling Through Newark –It’s a total cop-out to travel through Canada when you could be spending 5 hours in Jersey. I get extra points on this if my luggage is stolen, if I have to check more than 3 bathroom stalls before finding one with a working toilet, and if someone curses at me. Bonus points if the person cursing is younger than 13.
• One point is added for every time anyone says ‘Code Orange’ in a worried voice; one point is detracted for every time someone kindly asks if the weather in Europe was an inconvenience.
So, we’ll report back! Hopefully from Colorado!
Epilogue: Newark, I have underestimated you: during our time together, you fed me cheese and crackers and wine, you upgraded my next two legs, you provided a lightning-fast internet connection, and then you let me take a shower. Now, when my teeth are at their cleanest after a good floss and an extra session with the Sonicare, I think of you…