Who am I?

New town, new year; it’s time to reflect! I try hard to do the right thing, and sometimes I wonder if I’m kind of a supercilious asshole. Let’s cut me down to size, shall we?

I am a feminist, and an armpit-hair feminist at that, but I’m also the kind of feminist who has had 10 electrolysis treatments make sure that my body hair isn’t too off-putting. Yes, electrolysis hurt. Yes, I’m embarrassed that I couldn’t just confidently rock my natural state. Yes, I would do it again. I still make a statement every time I raise my arm, it’s just not quite so stinky. My leg hair is long, and subtle. My bikini line is… more human than humanoid.

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When I walk into the sun-filled kitchen to find my young son singing along to Emmylou Harris*, I just watch and listen and cry as silently as possible. “If I needed you, would you come to me? Would you come to me for to ease my pain?” My throat hurts just typing the words.

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I’m halfway through a 30-day yoga program and it is wonderful! I’m stretchy, my posture’s improved, and it’s only now dawning on me that, at the end of this thing, I’m not going to magically have 22-year-old knees. If I can’t undo the damage of 2 C-sections, 4 knee surgeries, and 10 years of side-sleeping with 30 days of yoga, it’s permanent. Turns out my favourite feeling might not be flexibility, but rather hope.

*he sings the Emmylou part of the Emmylou/Don Williams version. He thinks that Dolly Parton is, and I quote, “Wow! Fancy.”

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