Chronology Is Not My Strong Suit

I might be a little angry. I just reread that last post and the lady who wrote it (me, yesterday,) sounds troubled. Luckily, she went to a restorative late-evening Zumba class and woke up to blue skies and sunshine today. Actually, technically, she woke up to ink-black skies and a second-grader who was eager to get started on homework at 6:25am on a Saturday but you can either be annoyed about being woken up OR be proud of how the guilt/drive you’ve instilled in your daughter is now self-replenishing, and I chose to bask in the latter.

Max is at the stage where he asks for what he needs: food, snuggles, a tree to pee on, a tissue, a drink. He says things like, “I love holding hands with you, Mom.” and “I hate myself. Just kidding, I said that to get attention.” He’s all about the feelings, complicated though they might be.

I am embarrassed by how difficult it is for me to ask for what I need, and how enraged I get when I ask for kindness or help and don’t get it. Taxes bring all of this shit to the fore, and man am I glad to be done with them forever! Ha!

It’s funny to think of marriage as a job: I applied for the position and was selected after multiple rounds of interviews. I thought the job was a good fit, signed the contract, got a couple of promotions to Motherhood1, then Motherhood2, Special Needs, and a certificate for Motherhood, International, but have kind of plateaued since then and am in danger of being put on a Performance Improvement Plan. I’m usually ambitious; what would the next level be? What training/skill development would I need to be considered for senior management? Oh, just stop being such a bitch about the taxes/laundry/chewing noises? Hmmm. Something to think about. Ideas:

  • Trailing Spouse1, Gainful Employment
  • Trailing Spouse2, Language Proficiency
  • Household Management1, Laundry Basics
  • Household Management2, Traditions, Celebrations and Houseguests
  • Household Management3, Neighbors are Jealous of Flawless Garden, Spotless House, and Daily Craft/STEM Projects
  • Financial Head of Household
  • Eldercare1, Emotional Support
  • Eldercare2, Co-location with In-Laws
  • Eldercare3, End of Life Care
  • Retirement1, Travel
  • Retirement2, Post-Travel
  • Spousal Care1, Job Transition
  • Spousal Care2, Acute Illness
  • Intimacy1, Sex
  • Intimacy2, Everyday Kindnesses
  • Intimacy3, Both Sex and Everyday Kindnesses

It’s funny what we expect of ourselves and our partners, isn’t it? No one person has all of those skills without deliberately acquiring what they’re missing. As a worker, I value feedback. As a wife, I fucking hate it. Maybe it’s time to let feedback fuel my ambition rather than crush my buzz. Wish me luck!

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