The ‘Would You Rather’ game was one of my favorites growing up (a span of time that extends until the present day.) I could go on for hours: would you rather be an astronaut or a rodeo clown? Both are dangerous jobs that require a high level of physical fitness and a tolerance for costumery, and both have serious drawbacks: adult diaper rash versus a constant assault of really offensive jokes from the rodeo announcer.
I’m still deciding between the two although at the ripe old age of 34.95, and with no discernable astro or rodeo skills, it’s probably a moot point.
It turns out that pregnancy breeds a host of Would You Rather scenarios (as well as an infestation of double entendres related, not to sexuality, to parasitism.) Here are a few of my favorites:
Would I rather accept a challenge to get my daily allowance of calcium through cottage cheese alone OR invent a time machine to take me back to yesterday (Saturday) when the stores were open?
Would I rather keep having these new, astonishingly vivid dreams about raptors made out of school buses and bologna-textured sidewalks OR be able to sleep on my back again?
Would I rather be able to cross my legs OR have a daily game where I try to make out new shapes in the ever-changing constellation of abdominal freckles?
Would I rather put off holiday shopping and planning until the few weeks before the baby comes so that I can get things done when I’m already out trying to find size 0 bamboo-based cloth diapers OR would I like to get started on that now?
Ha ha ha ha. Just kidding. I started my holiday planning weeks ago. 23 weeks ago.
Would I rather take a hiatus from potentially teratogenic harsh chemicals (a.k.a household cleaners) and take a nap on the sofa as Herr R cleans the entire flat OR not feel like a total slug?
Would I rather name the babe a pleasant-sounding, easily pronouncable, slightly-but-not-overtly German name that both Herr R and I liked immediately OR admit that ‘Ida’ is a man’s name?
Ida’s pronounced “Eedah” in German, with a little more emphasis on the first syllable. Whaddya think?