Brunchin’, Lunchin’, Cold Munchin’

It is Monday morning, early, so the contents in this post have yet to be verified. Just in case, today’s game is called
Sunday Breakfast, Monday Yak-fest: a Root Cause Analysis
Imagine that you invite three friends over for Sunday brunch, and that on Monday afternoon you recieve the first of three carefully-worded thank you emails that say things like, ‘I hope you’re well. I seem to have caught the flu,’ and, ‘Sorry this is late, I’ve been at the doctor’s,’ and, ‘Your brunch made me really sick.’ In the game, you can be any of the characters:
Scary Root Cause Detective, or the German, or Me.
Let’s begin…

Scary Root Cause Detective: Let’s start with the meat. You say the brunch location was Hamburg, Germany. Did you have cold cuts, smoked fish, and a few meat spreads?
Me: No, we had some Mexican chorizo.
SRC Detective: Interesting. Where did you get this ‘Mexican’ ‘chorizo’?
Me: I made it.
SRCD: Interesting. May I see the recipe?
Me: Um, I looked at a couple but I forgot that I could’ve used fresh coriander root (which I had leftover from the cilantro in the guacamole because I got the cilantro at the Asian food store and it comes with the roots on) instead of ground coriander, which all of the recipes called for, so I just made up my own recipe pretty much.
SRCD: Interesting. Did it have any ingredients that may have caused stomach upset?
Me: Vinegar and chile powder.
SRCD: Chile powder? How much?
Me (relieved to not have to explain that I smuggled in the chile powder in addition to three other things for breakfast that we hadn’t even started on yet): About a small handful of chile powder.
SRDC: Interesting. How big are your hands?
Me: Very.
Me (sweating): I used caraway instead of cumin in guacamole because the label on the bag said ‘Kumin’, and then I tried to cover up the bread/sourkraut taste of caraway by adding lethal amounts of cilantro to the guacamole.
Scary Root Cause Detective: This is not an intervention.
Me: Let’s cut to the chase. The German made a mascarpone cream that had raw eggs in it! It was him! Not me!
Scary Root Cause Detective: Don’t be ridiculous. This is Europe. Eggs don’t even need refrigeration here.
Me (to the German): I’m sorry I ratted you out. The mascarpone cream was delicious with those raspberries even though it was our third fruit course.
SRCD: Three fruit courses?!?
Me: Well, it’s January, so people need vitamins, and we put wrinkly purple passionfruit in egg cups with tiny little demitasse spoons, which was just hysterical, and I always want to eat more of the little orange ball fruit, what are they called?
The German: Physalis.
Me: Thanks, hon. So we had a fruit salad with those and some surprisingly good mango and pineapple and kiwi. And he wanted to make the mascarpone/salmonella sauce but I didn’t want to change the menu, so yeah, we had three fruit courses I guess.
Scary Root Cause Detective: Case closed. See you next cherry season!

This may be painfully obvious, but you have won the game if you decided to play as the German. Not only do you whip up amazing trifles and sauces while I am in the shower scrubbing chile powder residue off my hands, but you wear sweaters beautifully and your hair always smells good. You win.

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