Too Many Teeth References

Often, when I make a minor mistake in the daily grind of food acquisition-prep-consumption-sanitation or in the larger household organizational scheme, I wonder if high-level spies make the same mistakes I do. Having perfect aim, excellent command of Middle Eastern politics, and the ability to keep a secret under extreme pressure doesn’t necessarily mean that you always remember to take the laundry out of the dryer before it gets wrinkly, right?

I imagine the spies, devastating in their James Bond tuxedos or perfectly unremarkable in their eavesdropping camouflage, spilling coffee on their computers, forgetting to buy replacement vacuum bags or, worse, buying too many. I imagine them putting flimsy plastic takeout containers in their dishwashers and wondering if they’ve just BPA-poisoned themselves, or starting their phone call just as they step into an elevator. Maybe they, too,¬†occasionally find an unmarked USB stick under the couch. (No worries, it was just a conference freebie. Whew!) Maybe they, too, circle frantically in their rental car, trying to find an Italian gas station that takes credit cards. Maybe they, too, bite into unripe bananas and have fuzzy dry teeth for hours afterwards.

If you’re a spy, tell me: are you always on time filing your taxes? Do you get your teeth cleaned as often as your dentist recommends? Do you remember every password to your media/banking/Amazon accounts? Did you update to the latest OS without losing everything in your calendar? Do you actually meditate in the last 5 minutes of the yoga class instead of just lying there? Do you use all of the spinach before it gets slimy?

I understand that you can’t tell me HOW you stay so organized – secrets are secrets – I’m just wondering if it’s possible.

2 thoughts on “Too Many Teeth References

  1. ha!! This is a very positive take on it! I often wonder similar quandaries, but from the opposite perspective. Like, if I can’t install a goddamn carseat, who can?? I mean, I wouldn’t put myself in the top 10% of carseat installers, but hopefully in the top 90%. Why is it so complicated?

    And the passwords. Oh the passwords. I just declined the “Patient Portal” at the pediatrician’s because I could not break back into it, and got caught in a death spiral of resetting username, then password, then failing, ad nauseum. The office was confused when I did not want online access to my children’s appointments and medical records. It was hard to explain that I have exceeded my max capacity of passwords. And I never want another email that says “go to the portal to see blankety-blank.” Whaat? If you can email me, just email me, right??

    P.S. Nobody dodges slimy spinach. I’m sure of it. =)

  2. I am so glad Nan showed me your blog, because you are a fantastic story teller. Passwords, I have become so encumbered by them that I do in fact have an Excel Spreadsheet that has user name, password, the link to click directly to the website to pay the bill, the due date- and then put the date in each month that I pay the bill. Without this little gem all my bills would be late, or never paid and my credit in a downward spiral because I cannot keep anything straight in my life, much less remember which username and password goes with what.. and who has the energy to meditate after yoga? ha! I think most just lay there..

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