Good Smells and Bad Calls

How is it living in Italy? It’s about the same. Bureaucracy is still bureaucracy, complete with estimations of time that include the phrase, “I’m not responsible for…” In Italy, men’s colognes are trending towards fresh, fruity florals just like they are in Deutschland. Surprising, I know, given the onset of winter! When I first smelled a flowery men’s cologne it was in late Spring in Hamburg, out for a stroll with the kids. We were walking behind a well-dressed man who we followed for an additional three blocks* because he smelled so deliciously surprising. In the weeks that followed, we ran into more and more men wearing powerful, sweet perfumes, most of them just fantastic and a few embarrassingly bad. Since the move to Italy, these smells are almost commonplace. When we visit Olathe, Colorado for the holidays, we will see if the trend is worldwide**.

Speaking of Olathe, living in Italy has not spared me pre-election troll calls. I have an Olathe-based Skype number that rings through to me in Italy. Because of the time change, these calls come somewhere between 11pm and 3am Italian time. I’ve been getting literally three calls per night from Gun Owners of America asking me to take a survey, consider my options, and vote. Gun Owners of America is getting it all wrong because:

  • I do not live in America. I live in Italy.
  • I am so pro gun-control I can barely even type the word gun.
  • Even if I lived in America, which I don’t, and had a gun, which I won’t, I would lease it. Do you know how much that new gun devalues the minute you drive it off the lot?!

Go fuck yourself, Gun Owners of America. I will not vote for your crazy Republican candidate for Colorado governor who thinks that an IUD is an abortion. (An IUD, or intrauterine device, prevents pregnancy. If you’re not pregnant, you don’t need an abortion. Not a difficult concept to grasp, right?)


*I hold tight to the theory that, difficult as it is to look chic with two small children in tow, it is even harder to look creepy.

**No world is wide enough to make the good men of Olathe, Colorado wear floral perfumes. Elk musk, maybe, depending on the time of year.

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