Your Sushi is Douchey

There used to be some hysterical ads in the Austin Chronicle, a liberal weekly with a government and music bent, for a ritzy sushi place. The ads would show a picture of some blond ditz with a yellow sweater tied around his shoulders smiling into the sails of his boat, and the tagline would read “when I’m not sailing my forty-foot yacht, I’m dining at Kenichi.” I think that literally every person that saw the ad probably thought that it was an overtly sarcastic commentary on the difference between Austin and Houston, and that Kenichi was a clever Japanese wordplay on physical space not being the definition of difference. Or something. When they googled Kenichi, they found that in fact it was a restaurant in downtown Austin. Horrified, they would wonder who the fuck went there, and then would turn their attention to the myriad snarky possibilities inherent in the “when I’m not X-ing, I’m Y-ing at Z” construction.
Which brings us to today’s game:
When I’m not playing today’s game, I’m laughing at Kenichi.
to play, read the following. If they’re not funny, it’s because you don’t live in Austin – enjoy your relative lack of humidity!

The first one comes from a slightly later Austin Chronicle ad. It contained a picture of a black cat, and said “When I’m not licking pussy, I’m drinking coffee at Momo’s.” Not ever so very tasteful, true, but funny, funny and big props to the Chronicle’s editorial staff for running it in the same issue as the Kenichi ad.

When I’m not reading Far Side comics, I’m trying to remember what the definition of irony is. Here’s a start:
-hipsters couldn’t wear those skinny acid jeans if they actually had hips.
-Alanis Morissette’s song lyics weren’t actually ironic, so the song…was ironic?
-when I’m not eating perfectly ripe tomatoes with the freshest of lettuces on good German bread in Hamburg, I’m missing the massive supermarkets in the U.S. WTF?

When I’m not buying $40 worth of crack, I’m giving $40 worth of head in a public restroom.

…etc. please make up your own. It’s fun!

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