Progesta-Drone

I was watching the online instructional video on self-administering progesterone injections, as you do, and was feeling kind of bored with the process – I started to tune out when the model cross-contaminated her alcohol swab/syringe combo for the second time. I’m sorry if you were the only schmuck who would volunteer to be filmed injecting yourself multiple times for the benefit of complete strangers, lady, but get that sterile technique right! I perked up, though, when the video got to the kitchen scene, where they show the model taking the vials of progesterone out of her fridge. What, you ask, might an instructional video produced by a pharmaceutical company decide to feature in a progesterone-injecting woman’s fridge? Let’s play:
Body By Organon, or, Why We Need Folic Acid Supplements
how to play: review the following items featured in the fridge in the video, and try to figure out what product Organon is planning to market to the consumers of the video:
• Bottles of beer,
• Syringes,
• More bottles of beer,
• Vials of progesterone,
• More beer, for a total of three different kinds,
• Bottles of milk,
• Mysterious boxes, contents unknown, and
• A bottle of white wine.
There were no vegetables, no fruit, no eggs, no cheese, no meat, and no bread. Our heroine apparently subsists on milk, which might explain why she’s so thin but does NOT explain why she’s so crazily tan.

Answer: Organon is either venturing into the durable medical goods industry with a soon-to-be-revealed permanent stomach catheter that will alleviate our need for solid foods, or Organon is going to start marketing a magical capsule that contains all of the necessary vitamins and nutrients necessary to sustain life so that we don’t have to pay attention to what we eat and can just take a pill instead! And it will be called a prenatal vitamin, and all of our doctors and all of our nurses will encourage us to take one every day, and the people will march in the streets with their dimes, and we will all be so busy taking the pills that we won’t have time to track political donations by pharmaceutical companies or who’s in charge of the FDA.

p.s. Is paranoia a side effect of progesterone? I haven’t started taking it yet, and my fantasies about how the pharmaceutical industry is out to get us are already pretty well in full bloom. This could get ugly.

Epilogue: Although I’ve often thought about starting a not-for-profit drug company to develop affordable HIV medications and contraceptives, I usually only get as far as the second row of the table of elements before I need to go get a snack. I did take the following picture, though, in case the company ever gets as far as marketing progesterone. Yes, the lighting in the picture is unappealingly low-budget. It’s a not-for-profit! (Well, the picture is low budget except for the cheeses. Those were pricey. OK, and the shrimp; I was hungry when I went to the grocery. And, yes, this is a fridge in a hotel room; mine at home is nowhere near that clean!)

Strawberries, Peppers, Dates, Grapes, Kefir, Shrimp, Salad, Injectables. We're ready!

Strawberries, Peppers, Dates, Grapes, Kefir, Shrimp, Salad, Injectables. We're ready!

OMG, I just noticed that every single item in there is encased in plastic. Ew, Whole Foods, that’s gross.